Does a church or house of worship even exists where we (Black Women) are allowed to be seen as fully recognized human beings worthy of love and respect because we are all simply created in God’s image?Read More
I’m retreating from the world because it’s hard right now. I hate wearing a mask and I feel like I have to do it daily at work at then at home with my family. I’m tired of pretending I’m strong and have it all together. Right now…I don’t. I’m emotionally, mentally and financially drained. Quite honestly, my life feels like it’s falling apart and I have no idea how to put it back together again.
How do you navigate through these difficult transitions without hiding under your sheets in a sea of your own tears?
As I finished the last episode of the first season, I struggled to find the “love” in this love story. Instead I saw an extremely toxic and one sided relationship. Yasir is the epitome of a man exhibiting toxic masculinity. He’s a leech, using one woman while pursuing a relationship with another, angry at everyone but himself, selfish and self-centered and prideful. Nuri is a woman who appears to have it together, she’s educated, rising in her career field, financially stable yet she continues to give and sacrifice pieces of herself in an effort to be loved. Watching the relationship between Yasir and Nuri develop has been entertaining but definitely left me with questions.Read More
How do you do it all?
I get asked that question all the time and my answer is usually, “I put one foot in front of the other and move forward”. I suppose it’s not that simple however. I never anticipated being a single mom. In fact, it was one of my biggest fears. Prior to getting married, I watched single friends of mine get pregnant only to have the men they loved walk out of the lives of their children and leave them to raise children alone. I saw the disappointment in their faces, the sadness, the frustration and I didn’t want that for myself. I swore I’d choose a good partner/mate/future father and build a family together. It was important to me. I thought it was that simple and couldn’t have been more wrong. LIFE HAPPENED…Read More
I spent the next nine months trying to prepare myself. I read every book, watched every baby show, went to ever pre-natal appointment with a list of questions and created the safest, most amazing, Thomas the Train nursery. I followed the “What to expect when you are expecting” book like it was the bible and my husband and I bought the best, the newest, and most technologically advanced baby equipment we could afford.
…AND WHERE WAS MY OWN MOM DURING THIS TIME?
…she was right by my side…laughing hysterically
My mom knew what I couldn’t comprehend at the time…NOTHING prepares you for motherhood! NOTHING! The one piece of wisdom my mother told me was this…
“MOTHERHOOD WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO PRAY”Read More
…”I don’t think so. But, I forgive you, girl, who tallied stretch marks into reasons why no one should get close. I forgive you, silly girl, sweet breath, decent by default. I forgive you for being afraid. Did everything betray you? Even the rain you love so much made rust out of your jewelry? I forgive you, soft spoken girl speaking with fake brash voice, fooling no one. I see you, tender even on your hardest days. I forgive you, waiting for him to call; I forgive you, the diets and the cruel friends. Especially for that one time you said ‘I fucking give up on love, it’s not worth it, and I’d rather be alone forever’. You were just pretending, weren’t you? I know you didn’t mean that. Your body, your mouth, your heart, made specifically for loving. Sometimes the things we love will kill us, but weren’t we dying anyway? I forgive you for being something that will eventually die. Perishable goods, fading out slowly, little human, I wouldn’t want to be in a world where you don’t exist…”-Warsan ShireRead More
2018 hasn’t started the way I hoped it would. It’s been full of challenges that would seek to sideline me from my goals. The vision board I created for this year has been an extreme help because I see it every day and use it as a reminder to stay focused, do the work and allow the universe to let freedom manifest in my life. I can say I’m taking better care of myself. I’m treating myself better. Taking time away when I need it, resting more, enjoying more experiences with my friends and my family and practicing daily self-care. I’m slowly finding my balance and equilibrium and when it gets to be overwhelming, I just hit the reset button and begin again. When I fall back into old habits and old mindsets, I just hit the reset button and begin again. I'm letting go of the need to be perfect and embracing the desire to be authentically me and loving myself through it all. I’m finding freedom slowly but more importantly, I’m finding myself again.Read More
As I think about those relationships, I realize why friendship is so vital to any romantic relationship. There is an ease in my friendships. I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t have to put on any masks. All I have to do is be myself. There is freedom in these relationships. That is something I desire with the man in my life.Read More
As the inside grew toward self-acceptance, it began to show on the outside. Confidence, a quality that I had never possessed, began to take root. A close friend once mentioned to a beloved relative of mine that I seemed so confident, something my relative later revealed to me. Honestly, it blew my mind. It truly did. But I was reminded of an important fact: I had truly come a long way. Here's the thing: we all have flaws and imperfections. Falling in love with myself meant that I learned to accept those flaws and imperfections without diminishing all the other components of me: a person, a woman, capable, and happy.Read More
I choose the word, “HEAL”, for 2017. At the time, I had no idea what I was asking the universe. 2017 was the year that broke me all the way down, revealing the cracks in my foundation. I don’t remember a year like this; full of so many highs and devastating lows.Read More
A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow.-Ali Edwards
Join me on this powerful challenge for the New Year!Read More
As we continue to explore ways of practicing gratitude, I wanted to explore ways to find the good in goodbye. There are moments when relationships have to end. Friendships, work partnerships, intimate relationships; we’ve all felt the uneasiness and or pain of ending relationships that no longer serve you, honor you or we simply just outgrow them. This year, I’ve had to say goodbye to a couple of relationships that at some point were incredibly meaningful to me. Where’s the good in that?Read More
It’s so easy to be grateful during the good times. How can you be grateful when dealing with heartache, loss of a job, the death of a loved one, financial struggles and/or illness etc.? Even more, how can you be grateful for the negative experiences that are occurring in your life?Read More
Somewhere along the way, we as parents have stressed not only ourselves out chasing this “Exceptional” child score but we have stressed out our kids as well. In many states standardized testing, gifted testing and selective enrollment processes have turned us into number counters on a mission to make our kids THE BEST. We encourage them from the time they can walk to be great at a sport. We drill them with flashcards and charts on walls to make sure they can read before they can even stand up so they will be ahead of the game. We tell them they have to be the best and get up early to catch the proverbial worm so they do not get left behind.Read More
Living in Chicago, you are lucky if you get to experience all 4 seasons. Normally you just get winter and summer with an about a month of fall and spring. Fall is in the air now and I’m noticing what an incredible metaphor for life each change of season has. It’s a period of transition…much similar to what has been happening in my own life.Read More
These are a core set of my friends. My true friends. The friends who, when I am at my worst……they point it out, tell me to get my shit together because I’m better than whatever I’m doing or being, and feed me afterwards like a real friend should. The friends who will show up and out for me if I need, or want, them to. The friends who love me, despite me. The friends who will fight for me……like, LITERALLY fight for me. The friends who will fight me when I’m wrong. The friends who will fight FOR me when I’m right. The friends who, beyond my blood family, have been my support system since I was 15 years old. The friends who I trust with my life…..who would never betray me…….or lie to me……or dishonor our friendship in any way. Friends don’t do that…………right?Read More
We don’t take time to heal in relationships. We are so focused on moving on and getting over the end of a relationship we find ourselves in messy situations or other relationships that could have been avoided if we had just recognized and acknowledged our feelings and taken the time to process and deal with them. We are trying to microwave our emotional healing.Read More
Recently I spoke with one of my oldest friends and we were talking about how difficult it is to be married and the challenges that come with it and how there are so many times we feel alone in our issues because we don’t want other people to know we are going through the things we are going through. We laughed, we yelled, we joked about the things we were both going through and when I hung up I felt like I had just left her house. The invaluable advice on how to survive and the confidential ability to release all of the otherwise unspoken emotions that were bottled up in our hearts and minds is truly priceless. When I exhaled and realized my shoulders weren’t as high up as they were before we spoke, it hit me just how important having a safe space of sisterhood truly is.Read More
I walk around life with more emotions than most. I always have. I’m loyal to a fault and tend to take on the problems and emotions of my friends and loved ones. If my friend is going through a divorce, it’s as if I’m going through it to. If another friend was cheated on in her relationship, I hate the guy just as much as she does. If my friend is struggling with her child, it’s as if it’s my own child. I feel things deeply…like too much. If my girl is broke, I’m trying to help her as if my own lights are going to be cut off. If my friend has found a new love, new job, new opportunity, I’m excited as if was me! It is more than compassion; it’s literally the ability to feel someone else’s emotions as strong as if they were my own. As I get older, I’m more in tuned with the empath that lives inside of me. The person that lives inside of me that really just wants “my people to be ok” in every sense of the word. It’s a huge reason why “The Sum of Many Things” was birthed. It was birthed out a desire for women, particularly women of color, to be affirmed, heard and well. My heart is my greatest asset because it’s gives freely.Read More
It’s important to recognize where you are and take impeccable care of yourself during this time. If you let it, your anger can be exactly what you need to push you right out of sadness and into a clear mental space. You begin to realize what you wanted was not what you received. You begin to understand that the universe is loyal to you because it will remove things in your life that don’t honor you, making way to better things. Coming out of denial and anger is just another step in your re-awakening and re-discovering who you are after heartbreak.Read More