Love Is...-"Problematic" ?

Love Is...-"Problematic" ?

As I finished the last episode of the first season, I struggled to find the “love” in this love story.  Instead I saw an extremely toxic and one sided relationship.  Yasir is the epitome of a man exhibiting toxic masculinity.  He’s a leech, using one woman while pursuing a relationship with another, angry at everyone but himself, selfish and self-centered and prideful.  Nuri is a woman who appears to have it together, she’s educated, rising in her career field, financially stable yet she continues to give and sacrifice pieces of herself in an effort to be loved.  Watching the relationship between Yasir and Nuri develop has been entertaining but definitely left me with questions.

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Love Stories: Love and Friendship

Love Stories:  Love and Friendship

As I think about those relationships, I realize why friendship is so vital to any romantic relationship. There is an ease in my friendships.  I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells.  I don’t have to put on any masks. All I have to do is be myself.   There is freedom in these relationships. That is something I desire with the man in my life.

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Love Stories: "I Fell In Love...With Myself"

Love Stories:  "I Fell In Love...With Myself"

As the inside grew toward self-acceptance, it began to show on the outside. Confidence, a quality that I had never possessed, began to take root. A close friend once mentioned to a beloved relative of mine that I seemed so confident, something my relative later revealed to me. Honestly, it blew my mind. It truly did. But I was reminded of an important fact: I had truly come a long way. Here's the thing: we all have flaws and imperfections. Falling in love with myself meant that I learned to accept those flaws and imperfections without diminishing all the other components of me: a person, a woman, capable, and happy. 

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#ThursdayThoughts: Anatomy of a Breakup: PT.2-HOLD UP! (Denial and Anger)

#ThursdayThoughts:  Anatomy of a Breakup: PT.2-HOLD UP! (Denial and Anger)

It’s important to recognize where you are and take impeccable care of yourself during this time. If you let it, your anger can be exactly what you need to push you right out of sadness and into a clear mental space.  You begin to realize what you wanted was not what you received. You begin to understand that the universe is loyal to you because it will remove things in your life that don’t honor you, making way to better things.  Coming out of denial and anger is just another step in your re-awakening and re-discovering who you are after heartbreak.

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#ThursdayThoughts: Anatomy of a Breakup-The Moment of Impact

#ThursdayThoughts: Anatomy of a Breakup-The Moment of Impact

Sometimes it starts with a feeling. Something is off.  Silence, distance, fewer phone calls and text…you know something isn’t right. Do you say something or do you ignore it thinking things will get better? Even when you know a relationship is coming to an end, the actual END of it can cause a range of emotions.  It’s a withdrawal of sorts.  One minute you are accustomed to the phone calls, text messages and date nights and then just like that…it’s over…nothing. This initial “Shock” phase is filled with emotions.

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The Love Series: "Loving Through Adversity"

The Love Series: "Loving Through Adversity"

May is Mental Health Awareness month, and I wanted to continue my series on “Love and Relationships” by addressing the question:  Loving through Adversity:  How do you love someone who’s broken?  Is it possible? Is Love enough?  This portion of the Love and Relationship series begins with a guest post from writer, author, and poet, Nikki Rucker. I consider her a friend and lovingly call her one of my “little sisters.” She’s a phenomenal mother and wife who writes with such authenticity and transparency.  Today on the blog, Nikki shares her story of loving someone through adversity and brokenness.  Nikki courageously lifts the veil around mental illness in the black community and gives us an inside look into what it feels like to love someone in the midst of adversity. Her story is one of so many in our community, and I thank her for her openness and willingness to share.  –D. Sanders

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The Love Series: "Stay In Your Lane"-The twists and turns on the Dating Highway

The Love Series: "Stay In Your Lane"-The twists and turns on the Dating Highway

The dating game feels like a drive on a highway. At some point each one of us finds ourselves on the dating highway trying to head towards that desired destination…Love Street.  For some, it seems like our drive becomes a cross country road trip, others rush into the express lane and BOOM…we are there. There are many who have decided they need a break and pull over to the nearest rest stop or side of the road.   Then there are the rest who seemingly have forgotten their Dating G.P.S. and relationship roadmaps at home. They just keep driving aimlessly lost and looking for directions because of the numerous wrong turns and detours along the way.

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The Love Series: Do We Know How to Date Anymore?

The Love Series: Do We Know How to Date Anymore?

Remember when you were a teenager and a guy would ask you out? I remember being giddy when a guy I liked asked me out. I would make sure I had the perfect 1st date outfit, and put together my cute girl look for the evening and wait for my date to pick me up and take me out. Our dates were much simpler then…movies…an amusement park or a walk along the lakefront.   My date would hold my hand or give me that look that would make me smile.  I remember that initial “first date” feeling; spending time with a man who was as thrilled to be on a date with me as I was with him. As an adult, things seem very different.  

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The Love Series: To Serve and Protect? (Well...Maybe)

The Love Series: To Serve and Protect? (Well...Maybe)

"To serve and protect" is the motto used by most in Law Enforcement and it got me to thinking, “isn’t this what we want when it comes to our intimate relationships”? As a woman, it is my heart’s desire that the man I love will serve and protect me.  Now before you get hung up on the “serve” part allow me to explain.

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