..."And Were You Good To Yourself?"...

..."And Were You Good To Yourself?"...

…”I don’t think so. But, I forgive you, girl, who tallied stretch marks into reasons why no one should get close. I forgive you, silly girl, sweet breath, decent by default. I forgive you for being afraid. Did everything betray you? Even the rain you love so much made rust out of your jewelry? I forgive you, soft spoken girl speaking with fake brash voice, fooling no one. I see you, tender even on your hardest days. I forgive you, waiting for him to call; I forgive you, the diets and the cruel friends. Especially for that one time you said ‘I fucking give up on love, it’s not worth it, and I’d rather be alone forever’. You were just pretending, weren’t you? I know you didn’t mean that. Your body, your mouth, your heart, made specifically for loving. Sometimes the things we love will kill us, but weren’t we dying anyway? I forgive you for being something that will eventually die. Perishable goods, fading out slowly, little human, I wouldn’t want to be in a world where you don’t exist…”-Warsan Shire

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HEALING SERIES: FINALE-LET IT GO AND MOVE ON

HEALING SERIES: FINALE-LET IT GO AND MOVE ON

You have removed the mask, forgave yourself and others, took the necessary time and space to clear your mind and spirit, hit the pause button and showed yourself some tender loving care…So now what?

It’s time to move forward; whole, healed and complete, into a new chapter in our lives. Taking the lessons and leaving the baggage, we let it all go.  All of the emotional and mental work is void if we choose to hold on to the negative, painful and hurtful things, events and circumstances that happen in our lives.  Healing requires us to release it all with the knowledge and confidence that we are now wiser and well equipped for the next set of life’s challenges.  Whether it is health, diet and fitness challenges, financial challenges, a painful childhood, or the loss of a relationship, pain does not last forever unless we give it a home in our spirit.  You can and should end this chapter of your life and start a new one in your life’s story.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 5-IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

HEALING SERIES: PT 5-IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

When healing from within, it is wonderful to have a village to lean on during these times.  Family and friends are instrumental in lifting you up and encouraging you through hard times but the responsibility of healing is yours.  It is up to us to take responsibility for our own emotional and mental well-being.  Family and friends are wonderful but they can’t heal for you. Healing is a choice that we have to make daily.  Sometimes, you have to be selfish.  I don’t mean selfish in a negative way either.  When I speak of being selfish, I mean, there are times when you have to make yourself a priority and be unapologetic about it.  That doesn’t give you the right to be hurtful, mean-spirited or isolated either.  What this means is that you recognize that things aren’t ok with you right now. 

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HEALING SERIES: PT 4-HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON-LESSONS IN SELF CARE

HEALING SERIES: PT 4-HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON-LESSONS IN SELF CARE

Women have to be everything to everyone. Nurturers by nature, our roles can be exhausting and draining.    We are the ones who rarely take time to give to ourselves.   Last year, I had to learn a hard lesson in making time for “self-care”.  I had to give myself permission to take the necessary time and space to replenish and restore everything I give away on a daily basis.  As a busy, working mom, I realized that in order to make sure I made self-care a part of my day, I had to schedule it.   

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HEALING SERIES: PT 3-CLEAR YOUR MIND/CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

HEALING SERIES: PT 3-CLEAR YOUR MIND/CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

Many of us hold onto pain, trauma, stress and negative thoughts.  It begins to manifest itself in our personalities.   Think about relationships or friendships.   How many of you know someone who had the kindest, gentlest and giving heart that becomes cynical, hard and closed after a bad breakup?  Their personality changes because the hurt, pain or betrayal was so great.  In an effort to avoid that feeling again, they lose who they used to be and can become someone you don’t recognize.  Pain can change the very essence of your personality if you allow it.   The truth is, who you choose to become is a choice. Some choose to allow pain to change them negatively, some allow themselves to be perpetual victims and some heal, learn and grow from pain and become stronger while maintaining the essence of who they are and who they want to become. I’ve been all of these people in my life at some point.  Changing my mindset is an exercise of reclaiming the essence of who I am and not allowing people or situations to have the power to change who I am and who I want to be.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 2-FORGIVENESS WITHOUT ABSOLUTION

HEALING SERIES:  PT 2-FORGIVENESS WITHOUT ABSOLUTION

I’m not a forgiving person by nature. I take hurt very personally and tend to proclaim people “dead to me” if they have wronged me.  Once you have hurt, deceived or betrayed me, I typically cut you out of my life.  In my experience, there usually is no coming back from the grave.   I hold grudges and I wear pain like a scarlet letter.  Over the past few months, I’ve been working on healing and purging myself of all the pain, hurt and heartache I have experienced over the past few years.  As I stated in my last blog, the weight of carrying so much negative emotion while wearing the “I’m just fine” mask began to weigh me down and I was emotionally and mentally tired.  I was tired of holding on to it all.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 1-Removing the Mask/Authenticity

HEALING SERIES:  PT 1-Removing the Mask/Authenticity

Healing requires you to really strip down and look at the reality of who you are.  In the past, I typically hid pain or speed through the healing process.  I put Band-Aids on situations, feelings and experiences.  Real healing requires removing the mask and seeing yourself as you are right now.  That can be jarring and unsettling to some but for me it was the starting point.  My healing began in the midst of my brokenness.   Not to be confused with the hats we wear or the roles we play, the mask is different. The mask is the person you attempt to be or the person you desire to be.

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