Safe Spaces of Sisterhood-Pt 4: "Circles of Trust"

Trust is the foundation of any great relationship.  It is the fertilizer nourishing the soil that help our relationships bloom.  Without it, weeds come to choke the life out of those relationships, and they die.  Many of us have “trust” issues, and those issues cause us to enter the never-ending cycle of dysfunctional friendships.  Past hurts by those disguised as friends cause us to look at people differently and put walls up.  I see this so much in female relationships.  We don’t trust one another.  I’ve learned over the years that the circle of friends in my life must be women I trust.  I have an overwhelming need to be free, open and vulnerable in my friendships and if I don’t feel like I can trust you, I cannot be open, be authentic and share myself with them.   Our friendships should be safe spaces of trust.  I must know my friends have my back. I can only be vulnerable if I know the women in my life would never dishonor the friendship by betraying my trust.

I learned a hard lesson about choosing my friends wisely a few years ago, I had a friend that I trusted and she betrayed that trust. I was livid! I lashed out with so much anger, but I knew the root of it was hurt.  I was confused by her motives and began to question why I allowed someone like her into my life.  It made me question my choices but it also forced me to re-evaluate my circle.  What came out of a hurtful situation was a smaller circle but a real one. There will always be women you can be cool with but few you can trust.  You must take the time to know your circle. Do you share the same values and “girl codes”?  Do you have similar views on friendship? Communication is key.    Talking to my friends and communicating those thoughts always reveal something new about a friends character. Trust enables you to be real in your friendships and hold one another accountable because the things you share and suggest always come from a loving place.

 Trust takes the time to build. Communicating openly, spending quality time and holding one another accountable completes the safe space of friendship where bonds are strengthened even during difficult times.  We all go through things in life, but it’s easier when you have women who love you unconditionally.  At various points in our lives, our friendships are tested, but with a strong foundation of love, respect, communication, quality time, accountability and trust those are the friendships are the ones that last a lifetime. 

Until next time,

Take care of yourself and one another

D. Sanders