The Love Series: To Serve and Protect? (Well...Maybe)

The Love Series: To Serve and Protect? (Well...Maybe)

"To serve and protect" is the motto used by most in Law Enforcement and it got me to thinking, “isn’t this what we want when it comes to our intimate relationships”? As a woman, it is my heart’s desire that the man I love will serve and protect me.  Now before you get hung up on the “serve” part allow me to explain.

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Safe Spaces of Sisterhood-Pt 4: "Circles of Trust"

Safe Spaces of Sisterhood-Pt 4: "Circles of Trust"

Trust is the foundation of any great relationship.  It is the fertilizer nourishing the soil that help our relationships bloom.  Without it, weeds come to choke the life out of those relationships, and they die.  Many of us have “trust” issues, and those issues cause us to enter the never-ending cycle of dysfunctional friendships.  Past hurts by those disguised as friends cause us to look at people differently and put walls up.  I see this so much in female relationships.  We don’t trust one another

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Safe Spaces of Sisterhood: Pt 3-Take Time

Safe Spaces of Sisterhood: Pt 3-Take Time

Time is our most precious resource. We live in a time where we are ridiculously overscheduled. Women struggle with making time to get everything done. While juggling so many different hats, how do you make time for it all and still maintain strong bonds with your tribe? 

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SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD-PT. 2 ACCOUNTABILITY IN FRIENDSHIPS

SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD-PT. 2 ACCOUNTABILITY IN FRIENDSHIPS

One of the foundations of any sisterhood is a sense of accountability.   I expect my friends to hold me accountable for my actions and I hold them responsible for theirs. It is what makes us better people in the long run.  Having friends who love you enough to tell you, “Hey, you can do better,” or “what happened to that idea you had” or what are you doing to pursue your dreams” is a blessing.  These are questions that are necessary for our growth and development.  They push us outside of our comfort zones and often times lead us right to our purpose.   Women who are surrounded by other women, who dare to challenge and inspire one another, achieve a higher level of personal and professional elevation.

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SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD- PT. 1 "CIRCLE CHECK"

SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD- PT. 1 "CIRCLE CHECK"

My mom would always say “You are the company you keep.”  Take a look at your friendships, what kind of women are you connected to and what do you do to uplift and encourage one another? Is your circle filled with ladies doing great things in life or striving towards a goal? Is there upward movement within your circle or are you all doing the same things you were last year?  Is your circle full of women who love drama and gossip?  Are you surrounded by ladies who stay in dark spaces or constant depression?  You can tell quite a bit about a person by the company they keep.

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INTRODUCTION: SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD (A NEW SERIES)

INTRODUCTION: SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD (A NEW SERIES)

Friends, Good Girlfriends, Your crew, Yaya’s, homies, etc…

there are many words to describe your friends. The group of ladies in your life that make life sweeter.  This new series will have us exploring our friendships and discovering ways to strengthen those bonds and deal with the different dynamics in female relationships that seek to divide us.  It’s all about “sisterhood” for the next few days.

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HEALING SERIES: FINALE-LET IT GO AND MOVE ON

HEALING SERIES: FINALE-LET IT GO AND MOVE ON

You have removed the mask, forgave yourself and others, took the necessary time and space to clear your mind and spirit, hit the pause button and showed yourself some tender loving care…So now what?

It’s time to move forward; whole, healed and complete, into a new chapter in our lives. Taking the lessons and leaving the baggage, we let it all go.  All of the emotional and mental work is void if we choose to hold on to the negative, painful and hurtful things, events and circumstances that happen in our lives.  Healing requires us to release it all with the knowledge and confidence that we are now wiser and well equipped for the next set of life’s challenges.  Whether it is health, diet and fitness challenges, financial challenges, a painful childhood, or the loss of a relationship, pain does not last forever unless we give it a home in our spirit.  You can and should end this chapter of your life and start a new one in your life’s story.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 5-IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

HEALING SERIES: PT 5-IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

When healing from within, it is wonderful to have a village to lean on during these times.  Family and friends are instrumental in lifting you up and encouraging you through hard times but the responsibility of healing is yours.  It is up to us to take responsibility for our own emotional and mental well-being.  Family and friends are wonderful but they can’t heal for you. Healing is a choice that we have to make daily.  Sometimes, you have to be selfish.  I don’t mean selfish in a negative way either.  When I speak of being selfish, I mean, there are times when you have to make yourself a priority and be unapologetic about it.  That doesn’t give you the right to be hurtful, mean-spirited or isolated either.  What this means is that you recognize that things aren’t ok with you right now. 

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SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD: PT 1

SAFE SPACES OF SISTERHOOD: PT 1

This isn’t new as it has been done before; Beyoncé vs Solange, Serena vs Venus, etc.   Isn’t there space for each of them?  Can’t they both be great?   Isn’t it possible that women can actually promote, admire and respect one another while each excelling in their particular fields?  Why do people get so upset when women uplift one another and validate them and their experience?  

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HEALING SERIES: PT 4-HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON-LESSONS IN SELF CARE

HEALING SERIES: PT 4-HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON-LESSONS IN SELF CARE

Women have to be everything to everyone. Nurturers by nature, our roles can be exhausting and draining.    We are the ones who rarely take time to give to ourselves.   Last year, I had to learn a hard lesson in making time for “self-care”.  I had to give myself permission to take the necessary time and space to replenish and restore everything I give away on a daily basis.  As a busy, working mom, I realized that in order to make sure I made self-care a part of my day, I had to schedule it.   

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HEALING SERIES: PT 3-CLEAR YOUR MIND/CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

HEALING SERIES: PT 3-CLEAR YOUR MIND/CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

Many of us hold onto pain, trauma, stress and negative thoughts.  It begins to manifest itself in our personalities.   Think about relationships or friendships.   How many of you know someone who had the kindest, gentlest and giving heart that becomes cynical, hard and closed after a bad breakup?  Their personality changes because the hurt, pain or betrayal was so great.  In an effort to avoid that feeling again, they lose who they used to be and can become someone you don’t recognize.  Pain can change the very essence of your personality if you allow it.   The truth is, who you choose to become is a choice. Some choose to allow pain to change them negatively, some allow themselves to be perpetual victims and some heal, learn and grow from pain and become stronger while maintaining the essence of who they are and who they want to become. I’ve been all of these people in my life at some point.  Changing my mindset is an exercise of reclaiming the essence of who I am and not allowing people or situations to have the power to change who I am and who I want to be.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 2-FORGIVENESS WITHOUT ABSOLUTION

HEALING SERIES:  PT 2-FORGIVENESS WITHOUT ABSOLUTION

I’m not a forgiving person by nature. I take hurt very personally and tend to proclaim people “dead to me” if they have wronged me.  Once you have hurt, deceived or betrayed me, I typically cut you out of my life.  In my experience, there usually is no coming back from the grave.   I hold grudges and I wear pain like a scarlet letter.  Over the past few months, I’ve been working on healing and purging myself of all the pain, hurt and heartache I have experienced over the past few years.  As I stated in my last blog, the weight of carrying so much negative emotion while wearing the “I’m just fine” mask began to weigh me down and I was emotionally and mentally tired.  I was tired of holding on to it all.

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HEALING SERIES: PT 1-Removing the Mask/Authenticity

HEALING SERIES:  PT 1-Removing the Mask/Authenticity

Healing requires you to really strip down and look at the reality of who you are.  In the past, I typically hid pain or speed through the healing process.  I put Band-Aids on situations, feelings and experiences.  Real healing requires removing the mask and seeing yourself as you are right now.  That can be jarring and unsettling to some but for me it was the starting point.  My healing began in the midst of my brokenness.   Not to be confused with the hats we wear or the roles we play, the mask is different. The mask is the person you attempt to be or the person you desire to be.

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INTRODUCTION: THE HEALING SERIES

INTRODUCTION:  THE HEALING SERIES

I choose “Heal” as my word for 2017.  As I reflected on the year 2017, healing was the one thing I wanted most.  The last half of 2016 was interesting in that it forced me to stop, slow down and really start to analyze relationships, situations and areas in my life.  I wrote them all down and decided to tackle them one by one with the intention of purging my spirit of negative feelings and emotions and finding peace and healing in the areas in my life that have caused me stress, trauma and pain.  It was time to get rid of some stuff, some baggage and dead weight that I’ve been carrying around for too long.  I could literally feel the burden of the weight I was carrying.   Sometimes life puts you in a holding pattern to teach you something before you progress to the next level. 

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LOVE & FRIENDSHIP

LOVE & FRIENDSHIP

There are so many different aspects to my personality, the man I wind up sharing space and time has to understand, accept and love me the same way my friends do. It requires a man with strength, patience, integrity, ambition, understanding and a strong moral character.

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DEAR AGENT ORANGE...

DEAR AGENT ORANGE...

I have watched you for the last few years bully, humiliate, disrespect and dishonor the 44th President, his family, and many other Americans. You have attacked the disabled, the LGBT community, women, minorities, The Pope, War Heroes, Civil Rights Icons and immigrants.   You have removed the mask of racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia and exposed yourself and your followers for the hateful people you are.  However, as you have tried to blanket a county in fear with your hateful and immature tweets and speeches, I stand strong in my fight against you and those like you who refuse to embrace diversity, social justice, human decency, ethics, integrity, unity and change.   You’ve awakened the fight in me and in the spirit of my ancestors I will resist your hate with every inch of my soul.  I will not watch your speeches, I will block your tweets, and I will by any means necessary protect my peace.

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CUT IT LOOSE!!!

CUT IT LOOSE!!!

What dead things are you holding on to? What do you need to cut out of your life? Dead friendships, relationships, dead finances, dead feelings of self-doubt, fear?  Part of healing requires cutting off the things that impede your growth.  It’s time for us to grow to new heights and new levels.  WE can’t do that until we cut some things loose!!!

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2016 Reflections and 2017 Word of the Year

2016 Reflections and 2017 Word of the Year

Advance was my word of the year for 2016.  I advanced in my career by taking on new roles during our company merger and responsibilities that I believe put me in a better position to excel in 2017.  As an artist, I advanced by launching my website, new blog and working on my first book.   

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2015 YEAR END REFLECTIONS AND 2016 WORD OF THE YEAR

2015 YEAR END REFLECTIONS AND 2016 WORD OF THE YEAR

2015 is the year I was EMANCIPATED...

Emancipation is defined as The fact or process of being set free from legal, social, or political restrictions; liberation.

As with every “one word” challenge, that word and definition manifested itself in my life during 2015. I was set free mentally, spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally from things that have been a burden on my spirit and in my life.

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