The Refiner's Fire
After many failed relationships and one failed marriage, it took me a good while to learn that domestic violence is not just about the physical abuse, but the mental abuse as well.
In my case, I dealt with more verbal and mental abuse than physical.
In every broken relationship, I realized I was in a cycle that stemmed from a broken childhood of molestation and verbal abuse. As I grew older, I began longing for love that I didn't get as a child, yet searching for it in all the wrong places. This led to a cycle of always yoking up with the wrong people. I realized that every man I dealt with had unresolved issues as a child or teen. Most importantly, they didn't know and serve the same God that I did.
As I matured in God's Word, I realized that I was being tortured by tormenting spirits! You can read more about this in my upcoming book entitled "Guard Your Heart" from Proverbs 4:23, because this was something I failed at miserably. I tried effortlessly to please every one else, but never protected my own heart. Self-will and fleshly desires for love overruled everything else.
When I realized that this thing was spiritual and my heart was in the hands of the devil at my own free will, the Lord spoke to me and said, "daughter, you still have time to get it right. " I was a fighter and I would physically fight back; But I had to learn how to fight and war in the spirit!
The Lord also showed me that I had to go through the fire to be a testimony that I although I got burned time and time again, I didn't get consumed by the fire!
The scripture says that the enemy desires to sift us as wheat (Luke 22:31). As long as I was weak and made to feel powerless, satan's job wasn't complete. When I totally surrendered to God's plan, I was delivered, set free and made whole again!
While I was being abused, both physically and mentally, I lived in a state of denial concerning my mental state and concerning the generational curses that needed to be broken over my life. All I wanted was to be loved, even if it meant I had to get abused for the sake of love. The wrong love at that. After all, I spent my childhood feeling unwanted and unloved. I remember crying one day after my ex-husband left me and I shouted out loud: I DESERVE TO BE LOVED!
The problem with this statement is that I was selfish. Everything was about what I wanted based on my skewed view and false interpretations of what real love looked like.
I had to go through this process before I was healed, whole and set free. I HAD took go through the refiners fire! If this is you, I want to encourage you that God can and God will refine you, rebuild you and reshape you. Only the strong will survive. It takes immeasurable strength to walk away from fake love and experience real love/God's love.
If you are currently dealing with abuse, don't believe the lies men tell you, but stand on God's Word. My prayer is that you will see your real worth and realize that a man cannot complete you. God is the only, real true gentlemen I know that will love you unconditionally and keep every promise!
Sharon Crittenden is an award winning author, Pastor's wife, presenter and conference speaker. You can find out more about her ministry, future authored works and current book, "Prayer Plus Faith Equals Miracles: 31 Days of Fervent Prayer" by following the link below on Facebook @Sharon Crittenden Author: https://bit.ly/2Qj8tNg
Her writings are also accessible and can be downloaded on Amazon by clicking the link below: https://amzn.to/2Rgvkuf